As much as I would love to admit things are going better for me, I cannot lie to myself anymore. Of course there has been some changes, but I think they are for the better. I have lost so many close relationships, my faith is being tested every day, my trust issues have developed to a whole new level, I have become more vulnerable… I can probably continue on for hours. Nevertheless, I am beyond grateful for the people who have made an effort to stay in my life, and help me throughout my struggles. Yes, I have lost most of my friends, but I guess this is what you call your “true friends filter.” The problem with me is that I need people to be around with. I am not comfortable if I’m by myself. So I bestow an idolization within friendships, which in the end kicks me in the ass. I cannot control it, and I hate it. Also, I have noticed lately I am not who I once used to be. I know I have said this before, but I just notice it every day, and it freaks me out. My sense of humor is just not the same. Random, I know. Sometimes people burst out laughing and I completely do not get why they do. Idk, it’s weird..
Oh well.. Although many things have become worse, I do have to say there are things I am thankful for. Just the fact that I have been accepted to an university, not just any university but a prestigious one, makes me realize how blessed I am. Many people cannot even further their education after high school, and I have the privilege to do so.
One last thing.
As I was typing this, I thought about what truly made me happy. Happiness is not just an emotion, but an option. You can only make the best out of a situation, and you are the only person accountable for your happiness. If you have to rely on things, people, etc, to be happy, you have not encountered happiness yet. I just hope I could remember this every day. My memory is garbage, I forget about everything, even about whatever I am thinking.
Haha…. I’m funny. Okay this is way too long. Peace out playas. Keep ballin’.